Missional Explorer

A Most Insane Month

Just wanted you to know that I'm still alive and kicking after what has probably been the busiest month that I can ever remember.  Since my last posting in early August, I/we (a) were privileged to participate in three weddings--all in one week--first, my brothers wedding, second a good friend and former student who asked me to stand as one of his groomsmen (wearing two tuxedos in one week must be some kind of record), and the third a fascinating cross-cultural wedding combining customs from both the U.S. and India (b) hosted extended family for 10 days (c) joined and led parts of our teacher retreat to begin the 2008-2009 school year and finally and most intensely (d) took a road trip back to Chicago to drop our oldest son off for his freshmen year at Wheaton College.  All delightful and all emotionally a full plate.  Especially the last one on the list as I am still grieving the "leaving" of our oldest son.  The only thing I can say at this point is that I am absolutely delighted for/with our son, Adam, and absolutely sad for me as his Dad as I/we miss him immensely.  Contradictory but true.  And those of you who have already transitioned into this new season of life will know what I'm talking about.  It's why we take joy in parenting. . . to let them go.  It's timely and entirely healthy. . . but it's definitely not fun and I don't have to like it (just kidding). 

Our road trip back to Chicago put me behind with the start of our school but I am now running the race to catch up.  I have two classes, the first a Senior Seminar class I am calling "Life After High School", a full year with half the class devoted to questions of faith and doubt and the other half devoted to questions of acquiring life skills including money management, credit cards, job interviews, etc.  My second class is a Junior American Government Class which I always find rewarding in terms of unpacking both the theory/practice/participation of our government especially in the context that government (any government) is a secondary allegiance with our primary allegiance to Jesus.  I am spending 2-3 weeks on this question of allegiance alone because it seems to be so often misunderstood in the Community of Christ.   So, for example, before we begin unpacking specific aspects of American Government, I hope to address these issues from my syllabus:

1.  Models of interaction between Church & State since the time of Christ (5)

2.  Defining some key terms for exploring issues of faith and government: (1) Nationalism & Nation-States (2) Pledging Allegiance (3) Submission and Authority (4) Civil Disobedience (5) Christendom and Civil Religion and (6) The Concept of "Host Nation"

3.  Case studies from history including 1860's U.S. and 1930's Germany (the Barmen Declaration) examining questions of nationalism and the Kingdom of God.  Who''s side is God on?  Is God an American?  A German?

Ambitious?  For sure.  Keep checking back and I will try to keep you informed on how my students are doing. 

The Former JES Student Known as Adam

We are now several days removed from our son Adam's graduation last Sunday.  I must say that Adam's graduation was tougher emotionally than I anticipated as several times I shed tears throughout the ceremony, first (as only a dad could) when he delivered a stellar Valedictorian Address on God's Language of Love and second when his Spanish teacher honored him with a videotaped message.  I cruised into last Sunday assuming that August 23 will be the toughest day of my life so far when we plan to drop Adam off at Wheaton College in Illinois and return to Denver as a family of four.  So I was caught flat-footed when I was so touched by the events of last Sunday.  Linda and I are so proud of all three of our sons as they are choosing to walk daily in the way of Christ.  Like all of us, each of them are "broken" in various ways but they know, accept, and give that up to God daily.  Thank you, God, for gifting me with a family when, married at the age of 31, I assumed that may never come my way.

Graduating Adam

Our oldest son, Adam, graduates from Jim Elliot School today.   Before graduating from JES, each student must write an 8-10 page Mission Statement using 2-3 pages to describe how they have seen God's hand in the 18 years (or chapters) of their stories followed by 5-8 pages unpacking how they see the trajectory of their stories playing out in new chapters of God's Mission in the days ahead.  Here is the first paragraph of Adam's Mission Statement which he fleshes out over 8-9 pages.

"In review of my life, the authoritative theme in my story seems to be the sacred identification of myself with the weak and the hurting in the same way Christ identified himself with the 'least of these'.  I believe the Holy Spirit has guided my eyes to learn to see through the vision of the pained.  I believe I was made to bring peace to conflict, hope to despair, and love to hatred.  I believe that though I have been given lavish talents and opportunities for material and social success in life, I find God's calling in using those talents not for my own good, but as a blessing in the places of the cursed.  And I believe that in the death of my selfish desires and wants, I will then find life in the following of God's work enacted in the entire world." 

Needless to say, we are enormously impressed by how Adam has chosen to follow his life course.  As his dad, I am already grieving the changes I see coming beginning with today's ceremony as Adam transitions away from our family.  (I'm close to tears even in writing these words.)  But as Adam has so obviously seen and embraced God in the trajectory of his life, our "loss" is truly "gain" as he follows the chapters of his story that have yet to be written.   

"Windows on the World"

In a previous posting I mentioned that Linda and I had been invited to a wine-tasting party hosted by a former student of mine, Micah McKinnies, plus a good friend and pastor Joe Beach and his wife, Karen.  We had an unbelievably good time and, since that party 6 weeks ago, I admit to having become hooked on researching and buying quality wine at value prices.  It has been a great hobby which I've really come to enjoy.  I've set limits on myself by not spending over $10 on a bottle of wine (actually I haven't spent more than $7.99 yet) and have even purchased a wine rack and ordered a small wine refrigerator in order to keep some of the wine at proper temperatures.

Micah recommended an awesome book: Kevin Zraly's Windows On the World:Complete Wine Course which has really helped me understand the wine industry in general as well as come to appreciate how wine (like our enjoyment of rugby and soccer) truly does provide us a "window" to much of the rest of the world.  So far, I've acquired wine from 7 different countries: the U.S. (California, Oregon, and Washington), New Zealand (perhaps our favorite import for the obvious reason that we lived in the Marlborough region around Nelson which is world famous for it's quality Sauvignon Blanc), Australia, South Africa, France, Spain, and Chile.  I hope to add to our collection from a host of other countries in the weeks ahead.  In fact, I find myself scanning/researching weekly wine sales at several stores looking to find the "buried treasures" among all the sale items.

All in moderation of course but wine-buying and tasting has truly become a fun distraction with all of the other stressful things going on in our lives.

Preparing Our Kids for the World!

I was reminded yet again today of what it takes to "prepare our kids for life and ministry in the world".  I asked our oldest son, Adam, to drive me to and from the doctors office for a minor medical procedure I had to have done.  Adam, of course, could not have helped me in this way if my wife and I had not participated in and "risked" towards Adam learning to drive (especially in an often very scary metro highway setting).  But, as Adam continues to grow in his independence from us, we would not be acting in Adam's best interests if we did not "prepare" him for the world in this way.  For similar reasons, we have been handing off more and more decisions to Adam. . . with our oversight, yes. . . but also with his best interest in mind because, beginning this fall, Adam will be making hundreds of decisions and choices beyond our reach.  Our hope is that, as Adam learns how to make good decisions under our guidance now, he will continue in good decision-making down the road.

It is this same motivation that, in a larger sense, requires us to "prepare" Adam in other ways.  Yes, we would like this to be a gradual process, but if we surrounded Adam in a protective "cocoon" where he would never be exposed to or touched by "the world", wouldn't we be cruel parents to expect that Adam could handle everything at once upon graduation from high school?  So, in Adam's best interests and in order to prepare him for "life and ministry in the world", we have walked and talked our way through issues of money, entertainment, sexuality, lifestyle, travel, politics, justice, and above all faith.  Yes, bad things happen in this world, and Adam (like our entire family) has already experienced plenty of loss.  But to hole-up our family out of fear for safety or "contamination" of spirit, it seems like we would not be walking wisely or in the way of Jesus.

"Blessed are the Poor in Spirit"

"Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven" (NIV) reads the beginning verses of Jesus teaching known as the Sermon on the Mount or perhaps better understood as keys to seeing/understanding His Kingdom.  Hugh Halter of Adullam talked about this passage yesterday at our gathering. . . spent 45 minutes unpacking one simple phrase but a phrase that is rightfully loaded with meaning.  I found it very convicting on multiple counts.

The NLT reads "God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them".  Eugene Peterson phrases it this way in the Message: "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope.  With less of you there is more of God and his rule." 

No matter what translation you read, it appears that being "poor is spirit" is an emptying process or a "peeling away" (like an onion) as someone suggested to Hugh.  Convicting because I ask myself what needs to be "peeled away" in my life for the sake of emptying myself in utter abandonment to Jesus?  Unfortunately more than I can possibly recount in this short posting.  But foremost on my mind and heart yesterday which I wondered aloud with Hugh and Ryan is all of the perceived "needs" in my life. . . specifically in recent days, my acutely felt "need" to defend myself with others who differ in theology in general and missionality in particular (see previous postings)!  Can I give up that felt need to defend myself and/or missionality?  Honestly I don't know.  But there's no question that it needs to be peeled away!  God is fully capable of defending Himself and me re:what He is doing in the world.  So why do I feel so acutely the need to name and explain?

Our Final Retrouvaille Experience (For Now)

This past Saturday we completed the last of our 6 follow-up "post" sessions to our Retrouvaille weekend in September.  I can't even begin to tell you how helpful and important Retrouvaille has been for Linda and me as we are learning to communicate with each other in new ways. 

This blog space will not allow me to talk about everything re:Retrouvaille so, if you have any questions, email them to me and I will give it my best shot at answering.  We would recommend Retrouvaille to any marriage at any stage of life! 

Just one of the many things we encountered was learning how to tell the difference between what we identify as our "values"--defined by Retrouvaille as "those things we recognize as good and worthwhile and we choose to have in our life NOW by sacrificing other things"---as opposed to "ideals"--defined by as "those things that we recognize as good and worthwhile and we want to have in our lives SOMETIME IN THE FUTURE but we are not willing to sacrifice for right now".  Values are those things for which we are willing to sacrifice NOW.  Ideals may be equally worthwhile but are things that we are not willing to sacrifice to bring about now.  That conversation alone was worth the hours we spent in our post-sessions. 

Bottom-line, Retrouvaille was enhancing, clarifying, learning new ways to talk and listen, understanding how our past (including family-of-origin) informs our present, and finally just fun to spend time together with Linda! 

Beyond Theoretical Faith

On a very personal note, our family is walking an unparalleled journey of trust at the present time.  Not wanting to go into much detail in a public blog, I can say that most of the earthly props that we all depend on are significantly up-for-grabs.  That includes work, income, insurance, home. . . all the things that not only give us security and sometimes the illusions of "ownership & control" of our own lives but things that can actually take the place of God.  Ironically (or perhaps not), all this is happening when our oldest son, Adam, is (a) on the verge of graduating from high school and entering college and (b) facing possible heart surgery to replace a bad heart valve which doctors have insisted could be "just around the corner" since he was born.  Now the doctors are saying that Adam will probably need surgery in "another year or so, perhaps as early as next summer".  We are therefore asking ourselves and God many questions as we continue to sow seeds, some of which we have a vital hope that God is going to water. 

"Trust" for us then is not some theoretical idea or concept but something that we are having to choose on a daily basis!  Who are we gonna trust?  If it's to be is it up to me?  Up to Linda?  At the end of the day, Linda and I have discussed that books, ideas, theology, even cool stuff like Missional living goes out the window if we can't live out FAITH in this present time & context in a very practical way.  I can't tell you how difficult and scary this is but there are no shortcuts to faith when everything appears to be stripped away. 

Yet, in the midst of this uncertainty, Linda and I are also affirming each other that God has always been faithful. . . faithful in general but also faithful in all kinds of specific situations in our lives (often when we didn't even know how badly we needed God to be present).  There are far too many cases to recount here save for one very special event in December, 2005.  Some of you may recall that we had worked on plans for our New Zealand stay for the better part of that year.  Planning to leave on January 9th, 2006 all of our work was aimed at traveling to either Christchurch or Dunedin on the South Island of New Zealand.  We had no place to live or work but for some reason we did not find that troubling at the time.  Then on the eve of our trip, we "happened" upon a wonderful couple from Fort Collins here in Colorado who not only owned a home in New Zealand but had just renovated their bottom floor into a rental flat with two bedrooms, a separate entrance, a kitchen, and even a washing machine.  As I had not ticketed us beyond Auckland, we quickly changed gears to live in the city of Nelson, on the northern end of the South Island.  And what an answer that turned out to be!  We lived right on the Tasman Sea in an absolutely stunning setting, Linda found work as a nurse, and we all made friends as we never would have expected.  So, God provided in ways we neither sought nor expected nor were even aware that we needed.  In hindsight, we have often said to ourselves "what were we thinking at the time?".  But, the truth is, those remembered events are now more important to us than ever. 

Contrary to what we often think, what separates us from the abyss is not our work, income, cleverness, or control.  What separates us from the abyss is our need to live an embodied walk of faith.  If we cannot live out something as simple as faith in the basic presence and goodness of God, all of our belief statements, theology, doctrines, ideas, and whimsical fantasies don't amount to a pile of manure.    In his writings, Stanley Hauerwas suggests that, contrary to Western sensibilities, God would rather find us faithful to Him than effective at whatever we do.  Personally, I see his comment as not only reflective of Scripture but highly missional.  Seek God first and everything else will fall into place.  The scary part is that we want to know/see it now.  Yet faith doesn't seem to be faith unless, at some point in our lives, we are willing to go beyond ourselves and certainly outside of our comfort zone.

So how will I be blogging this time period 6 months from now??? 

Retrouvaille

Linda and I shared an awesome marriage encounter retreat over this past weekend with Retrouvaille, a Catholic program designed to rescue/improve communication within marriages.  Retrouvaille is a French word meaning "Rediscovery" and is essentially a crash-course on communicating feelings.  This may not seem significant at all but, as we were told, marriage breakdown often begins not in decision-making, conflict management, or problem-solving but at the much more fundamental level of misunderstanding (for lack of time, effort, concern, how-to, etc.) the feelings that are being experienced by ourselves and our spouses. 

Feelings or emotions were defined as "spontaneous inner reactions to a person, place, comment, or situation" and, because they are out of our control, are not right or wrong, good or bad.  They just "are"! How we act upon or react to feelings can, of course, be any of the above but the feelings themselves are simply part of how God wired us as made in the image of God.  And our capacity for deep feelings is what generates all kinds of cool stuff but can also lead us down destructive paths as well especially if we cannot understand or express our feelings in positive ways. 

Because I am, by nature, a problem-solver I found this weekend to be both incredibly challenging as well as a real epiphany of sorts.  It was, for example, very difficult for me to concentrate on feelings alone, whether mine or Linda's, because beyond lacking the "how-to", I had to constant resist the urge to move beyond dialog over feelings to discussion about problem-solving.  This was, for me, incredibly hard work. . . but very rewarding!!!  And we would recommend Retrouvaille without hesitation for any marriage whether in crisis or not!  We also found the Catholic emphasis to be very refreshing in so many ways: the use of silence, solitude, reflection, and guided practice throughout the weekend was just what we needed.  Not fun but very, very rewarding.   And, for what it's worth, we consciously looked for a retreat setting that would be either Catholic or Anglican because of these very reasons.  Linda and I didn't need a power-point presentation on marriage.  We needed just what we got: quiet guidance and careful reflection on how we communicate (or fail to communicate) our deepest feelings to each other on this journey of life.   Email me if you want more information on this awesome program! 

The Long Goodbye

Not surprisingly, my Dad continues to grieve my Mom's move into the "memory support" wing of their 4-level care facility.  As we reflect on the past 10-12 years, we can in hindsight recognize the insidious and creeping invasion of dementia into my Mom's memory.  My Mom fought the dementia for years while simultaneously leaning ever more heavily on my Dad to make up for what she couldn't remember.  Recently my Dad related Billy Graham's description of gradually losing his wife, Ruth, as "the long goodbye". 

The question of grieving significant loss and the adjustment to lives of solitude are huge questions for both of my parents despite the reality that they their perception/experience of loss is profoundly different for each.  My Dad still takes walks daily with my Mom in the morning as they have for years then he releases her to the care of professionals who provide all kinds of awesome activities for her throughout the day.    Loss is, of course, a reality for all of us--a significant part of everyone's story.  How we deal with/integrate losses, large and small, into the fabric of our story is probably a telling indicator of our willingness to relinquish control while embracing a lives of faith.   Never easy but critically important nonetheless.